i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize