One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
