I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
