he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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