I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
