hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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