how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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