Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
