Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
