I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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