Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
