I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
