I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
