Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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