All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
