You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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