so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
