I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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