Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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