There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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