So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
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about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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