He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
