you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
