i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
