fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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