I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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