my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
