My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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