I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
