I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
True college students do jello shots in the library
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