idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
