hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
