"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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