Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
