i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
