4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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