Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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