honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
