I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
