From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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