I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
