There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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