I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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