I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
