I smell stomach acid.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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