I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
