you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
