you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
