I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
