8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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