and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
