just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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