I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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