saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
