Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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