So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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