maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
