Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize