So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
