Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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