I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i think my cat just said my name.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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