your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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