youre lurking in front of me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
