There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
