You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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