You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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