I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
