i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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