He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
