I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
