I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
