Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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