I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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