god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
