Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
