The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
