miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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