thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
