You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
