I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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