It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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