He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
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There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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