He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
