So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
