Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
