..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
