It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
