You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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