Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
